Check List= Completely Nonentertaining Post.

So I've got a cold. yuck. it's not the best timing seeing how I will be driving home super early Wednesday morning. Which means I will be home sometime in the middle of the night. My mom thinks I won't be home till Friday at some point... so I'll be quite the Christmas surprise!

This cold has thrown me off. I couldn't fall asleep last night so finally at 6 AM I took some benadryl and was obviously delirious from not sleeping because in my right mind I know that's a bad choice. So I slept until away most of the day. And apparently, now I'm blogging away the rest of it.

Seriously, I don't know why I'm on here.

clean room.
clean bathroom.
do laundry.
pack.
get Huck roadtrip ready.
make roadtrip CDs.
make christmas presents.
drop clothes off at the donation center.
oh and plan a wedding.


I'm excited to see my little nieces and nephews. I need a nap.

The weather is incredible. Straight up Portland weather today. Why don't I live there? One day.

The Drummer Boy is my least favorite Christmas song. Hands down. And then Feliz Navidad. And Feliz Navidad sung by Celine Dion? Hello. She's Canadian. It makes my ears bleed. But for some reason I still sing along... and then the lady sitting across the couch from me at a coffee shop looks at me like I'm crazy. Now it's Jingle Bells. But sung by dogs. Like they're barking Jingle Bells.

Get me out of here!

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I'm finally home. drinking wine, baking cookies, watching Grey's Anatomy and looking up really awesome houses on Craigslist. Houses where? Tulsa. It's official. I'm moving back to Tulsa sometime around May. Maybe sooner. But definitely not later.

Here's the thing- I want to be a cool Aunt. Not the Aunt that comes home for the Holidays. And not the Aunt who sends you birthday money in a card. I want to be there-- for all things, good and bad. At least for a little bit. So, Homeward bound!How could you not be around to see this messy brownie face? See what I mean?

Speaking of homeward bound, I'll be home for Christmas by next Friday. Until then I've got finals, wedding planning, Christmas present making, and lots of haircuts to do!

yippee.

• My dog likes to sit as close as he possibly can to me and lay his head on my computer as I type. Cute, but invasive and somewhat handicapping.

See what I mean? Cute. Invasive. Handicapping.

• I've realized I'm a selfish friend. I don't like to share my friends with other people. This is obviously wrong. God is showing me some dark parts of my heart. I asked Him to so I'm glad He's following through. It's all a part of the refining process, I guess. Speaking of refining, I read through old blog posts from 3-4 years ago... man, oh man. It's crazy how much one changes over such a short time. But I'm so glad I did. so glad.

• I seemed so optimistic then. I feel much more realistic now. And sometimes reality is optimistic. Just not always. This probably isn't making sense to you and that's ok. I'm still processing all of this.

• It's crazy how one can be a product of another person. I guess that's what rabbis did/do. I just need to do a better job at choosing a rabbi. That sounds harsh and ungrateful. and I'm not. at all. again, still processing.

• I love the weather right now. The high is in the upper 60s all week. Winter has hit. SELAH.

• I miss sitting at the table with these faces.

I Really Can't Stay, Baby It's Cold Outside!

I'm sitting in my creative writing class and I'm suppose to be doing research, but since I've already done it I'm blogging.

I'm excited about Thanksgiving. Since I've lived in Tucson I've never been excited about this holiday. The first year was hard because it was my first Holiday away from my family. And my family actually loves each other so I like spending time with them. And the second year was my first holiday since my dad had died and that was, of course, hard. But this year I feel like I've settled down in Tucson and it finally feels like home. And although holidays will probably always be hard without my Dad here with me, I've come to terms with the fact that he isn't here anymore. So all that to say, I'm excited about Thanksgiving. I love cooking yummy food while listening to Christmas music and getting together with wonderful friends and drinking wine.

Anyway, I'm trying to think of creative, unorthodox thanksgiving recipes... so if you have any, share the wealth.

alright, class is over.

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I'm watching Elf. This is probably my all-time favorite Christmas movie now. Probably. I'm not good at picking favorites.

My small group is having thanksgiving dinner tomorrow night and for some reason I got assigned stuffing. Anyone can make stuffing. Oh well. I'm actually kinda relieved. Nikki told me this recipe that has sage flavored sausage mixed with celery, onion and then the Stove Top stuffing. I don't know what it will taste like, but she says its pretty great.

today was my friend Steve's birthday and we threw a surprise party for him. I was the one who had to pretend we were doing something else and show up with him. He was so surprised. I don't think I've ever had a successful surprise party for anyone.

I really love my church.

I Made it Through the Wilderness

Last night I had a dream that the area behind my headboard and underneath my bed caught on fire. I put it out but not quiet in time. My walls got all black, my new bedding(which, sadly, only exists in my dreams...) was ruined and my dog burned his face. It was sad. And my dog talked to me(in English) in this dream. So weird. I'm pretty sure the fact that I've left my curling iron on for the past two day has caused the dream. Two nights ago I woke up in the middle of the night and my room reeked like burning plastic. I checked my curling iron and found a plastic bag melted all over it. sigh... I need to be more responsible or I'm going to burn my house down.





Kelsi is getting married in like 7 weeks. It's crunch time. The majority of my free time is consumed with this wedding. Which I'm ok with... it's just feeling a little insane. I love it though... it's been fun.

I think winter is finally going to hit here in Tucson. Last week-- highs in the mid 90s. This week-- low 70s. Heck ya!

God is teaching me a lot right now. I feel like I'm eating my words from about 6 months ago. That's good though. I want to be progressing and changing.

I miss photography. And I want to learn to make pottery. I've always said this... but I want to really do it.

I learned tons of self-defense moves last night. A friend of mine is a sheriff.... he's super intense and way cool. He's from Oklahoma(ya don't say) and we were instant buddies. He wants to taze me just so I know what it feels like. I think he's insane if he thinks I'll ever let him do that. Kelsi wants to. She's also an idiot. Between him and my friend who's a black belt, I'm going to acquire quite the skills.

What Was I Thinking?

I'm taking 2 and 1/2 online classes. My sociology class is half in class, half online. Hence the 1/2.
I think these online classes are going to be the death of me. But that's ok. I can do it.... right? Some psychology class I'm taking literally might kill me. I'm going to have to be so disciplined for that one. But I can do it.

OK. That was my rant. I'm finished.
Cookies are done. People are finished.
That's what my English-teaching mother told me growing up. So now I say it to myself every time I have to choose between finished or done.
I also sing that Gwen Stefani song every time I spell bananas.

I had a dream about my best friend Kelsi, who is getting married in January. I'm her maid of honor. I dreamed that I couldn't find the right shoes to match my dress. All I needed was black, peep toe, kitten-heals. And I couldn't fit my horse feet into any of them. So Grandma gave me shoes to wear(here we go). They were bright purple with sequins and yellow knitted flowers on them. Grandma loved them(of course she did). And I didn't tell Kelsi about them and just hoped she didn't notice as I walked down the aisle. But she did. And she never spoke to me again.

Then I had a dream Shannon(who's one year anniversary is the same date as my friend, kelsi's wedding) was redoing her ceremony on her anniversary. Which means I had two weddings simultaneously. But shannon wanted me to take the photos for her wedding. Which would never happen in real life because her brother is a phenomenal photographer. But, nevertheless, she did. She game me this camera and yelled at me and told me I "HAD TO TAKE ALL PICTURES WITH THIS CAMERA!" so, I was super nervous. Well, come to find out, the camera Shannon gave me had no film in it. So, none of her pictures showed up. Obviously. And then she never talked to me again.

So I have two brides that I love dearly who had their ceremonies on the same day who never want to talk to me again. It's a horrible feeling to wake up to.

I wonder what all that means? Maybe I just feel like there's a lot of pressure(self-inflicted) to make Kelsi's wedding perfect. And maybe, just maybe, I feel like I might let her down. Even though I know I wouldn't... I would just be letting myself down.

This is all so silly.

I now have to go sit in algebra for 4 hours. I'm less than thrilled.

Killer Monkies, Carl Marx and Disease Infested Birds

I had a super crazy dream yesterday. My roommate, Julia, got eaten by wild monkeys. It was so graphic. I don't think I've ever had a scary dream that graphic before. I want to stop thinking about it.

School is crazy. This is my final week for some of my classes and then I have a few new ones starting up the following week. I have a massive paper due in soc over Marxism. Extremely interesting... yet complicated. Marx is easier to understand when you've had a couple glasses of wine, that's for sure.

I start my classes this week to become a long term volunteer at Crisis Pregnancy Center. I get to sit and talk with women who are debating whether to keep their child or not. And women who recently had miscarriages. I'm really pumped about this. I do wish the classes would start the following week with finals and such this week... but it's ok. I'll manage.

I'm going to the ostrich farm this week with my new friend, Krystal. She's from Louisiana. Her southern personality is refreshing. The ostrich farm is the best $5 ever spent. Those things are vicious... yet extremely entertaining. At the farm, there's this bird room(I hate birds) where you go in there with a little container of nectar and you just hold it and all these birds swarm to you. It's disgusting. I always take people there when they come to visit me. Last time Taylor and Kacy were here I took them and they loved it. Taylor kinda freaked in the bird room, rightfully so, but Kacy loved it. But she's a huge animal person. ick.
The man that owns the ostrich farm is this huge redneck and he's from Oklahoma(shocker) and he went in the bird room with me. When I walked in there, I was immediately covered in birds so, by instinct, I buried my head in my chest. He starts pulling on my chin trying to pull my head up but I won't budge. So he yells at me, "Girl! what are ya gunna do when you got a reeeaaall problem?!" And I said, "This is a real problem!"

Hello. Covered in birds= problem.

So it goes without saying: the ostrich farm produces fantastic entertainment 100% of the time.

I need sleep. Good night.

Rip My Heart Out Why Don't You

My mind won't focus on school today. Which sucks because it really needs to. I have to write a paper on why I chose the life I have. And why I changed my major from Digital Media Productions(aka photography) to Pre-medicine. Thank you Veterans Administration. I have a bad attitude about this paper. I want to say, "I want to be a doctor because I saw the horrible health care you provided for my father and I don't think any person deserves to be treated like that." But that would be ugly. And I know me being a doctor isn't going to change that. And I won't be able to save everyone. There are going to be people I can't provide health care for because of all different reasons. So, realizing all of this, I will write a paper on all the other reasons why I want to be a doctor. I usually don't like telling people I'm studying pre-med because I have a long ways to go before I'm finished and I know that I'm not always the best at finishing things. But I can't focus on my negative qualities. That won't get me anywhere.

God is currently tearing up my soul while simultaneously rebuilding it. He's showing me my wickedness. But I realize I can't stay there long because if I do, I'm not living out the gospel. Because the gospel tells me He is made strong in my weakness. And the gospel tells me I am to live righteously for his pleasure not for the satisfaction of those around me or even to bring self-gratification. I really want to be more authentic. But I want my authentic self to be lovely. But to become lovelier I need to be more honest with myself about the dark parts of my soul. And I guess it's just difficult to do that at times.

I feel like the past few years I've spent focusing on community and loving people and loving God. Which are all beautiful things. But I've forgotten about discipleship and growing in knowledge and understanding of the Word. I'm very thirsty for that right now. And so is our church.

I also want to stop talking about the things that break my heart and start serving those people. So, I've signed up to volunteer at the children's hospital to sit and play with sick children. There are other things I'm going to do because Jesus tells me to serve the least of these.

Mmm Girl. You Shock Me Like an Electric Eel.

I really like the coffee shop atmosphere. I love doing my homework here. I'm at Coffee Xchange, which is the worst local place in town. You're probably wondering why I come here. Well it's definitely not for the coffee. I get an Arnold Palmer(half black tea, half lemonade) every time because their coffee is absolutely terrible. And, honestly, the atmosphere isn't exceptionally great either. And they play horrible music. haha... Why do I come here??? I guess it's because it's always packed with tons of college students. And this is the first time in my life where I actually enjoy being a college student. Not to mention they're open 24/7 which works great for me.

I am really excited about the future. Like really. If I wasn't concerned with random people reading this blog, I would tell you guys all about it. It's really hard for me to keep secrets. The people closest to me know this. If you tell me something random about yourself I will probably tell others because I think it's so incredible. Like I know this girl who doesn't have a belly button and for some reason I feel like everyone should know that about her. Thankfully she doesn't care if I tell. And my best friend. She likes to wear body glitter when she is feeling down and out. It helps her feel better about herself. I love that. Every bit of it. Sorry BFFAEAE. ;-)

Ok, I have a story. The other night my car broke down. I actually just ran out of gas when I was sitting in a parking lot with my car running. I was listening to LoveLine(that detail doesn't matter, I'm just trying to give you a visual). Anyway, I was parked with my car running and it all of a sudden just started shaking violently so, of course, I just shut it off really quick. I didn't know what was wrong. I tried to restart it like 6 or 7 times and it didn't start so I called my roommate to come get me. She laughs at me but of course she comes. We just live like 3 minutes down the street from where I was stranded so I think, "hmm.. it's a nice night out. I'll get out of my car and wait for her." So I swing open the door and BY THE GRACE OF GOD I look at the ground before I swing my feet out and there is a 2 ft long baby rattlesnake! I kid you not! And he was so ready to eat me. He had his head raised. I about flipped. I slammed my door shut and watched it out my window. I was completely freaked. And I hear you have to watch out for those baby snakes because they have more venom. sigh... I could have died.

So when Julia got there I had to climb out the passenger side because I was so freaked out. He sat there for a good 5 minutes(The entire time I was wondering what was taking her so long)just staring up at me hanging out of my window.

So since then I have been so paranoid with walking around outside. Since I've lived here I've only seen like 4 snakes... maybe... sigh. 

ok. I should go. This thing is getting long, I have a feeling. 

Why does it need to be 50 degrees inside?

Oh blogger... how I've missed you.

Life has been interesting lately. I've started school again. I love it. I think I've finally come to the age where I like school. It took me a while(and sometimes I hate that) but I'm glad it finally came.

I'm also on this journey of being healthy. It's difficult because you don't realize all the unhealthy patterns you've created in your life. (You being me in this situation). You don't realize you crave sweets until you take them away. You don't realize how often you eat fast food until you've decided not to eat it anymore. Shannon, I need some recommended reading on the vegetarian lifestyle. Thanks.

I'm going through a transitional time in my life right now. Transitioning the way I think and feel about some certain things. Transitioning relationships I have. Transitioning me literally. Usually transitions are difficult for me, but I'm having a hard time with some of these. Especially the relationships. I've been internalizing a lot lately. Being objective is sometimes hard for me. Sorry-- I know none of this is making sense.

My dreams are becoming more intense and I'm starting to wish they didn't take place anymore. I use to not feel that way. After my dad first passed away I liked the dreams because they were typically just past memories replaying as I slept. And, even though they were painful, I wanted to hold onto that piece of him. Now, the dreams have evolved into painful encounters where I'm screaming at him and/or him telling me to let him go. Stop trying to take care of him. I don't like. I wake up crying a lot. Is this normal? I think so. Until I talk to my mom about it and she buys me books on grieving and wants me to go to counseling. I'm all about counseling, I think every human should go to counseling.... but seriously? I don't know...

I have to go. It's freezing in this library and I can't stand it anymore. I think I'm going to go home and make soup. mmm....

Different Folks. Different Strokes.

I'm dog sitting again. different people. different dogs.
I should make a business card.

There's a lot up in the air right now... so I'm not for sure what to write about because a lot could change.

I watched Stranger Than Fiction tonight. I liked it a lot. Even though I didn't hear half of the movie because I was sitting next to two lovebirds who whispered sweet nothings to one another the entire time. mmm.. loooove it.

i've been sneezing non-stop for about 4 days. I keeping thinking this is going to end. I'm now thinking it will... just not anytime soon.

My dreams have been super weird and vivid lately. I love it. Most of the time they're just very entertaining. Sometimes sad, but usually entertaining. Even the sad ones I like. Like the ones about my dad. I wake up very sad. But it's crazy how precise they are.

I'm now watching the Devil Wears Prada. All I can think of is the Office episode wear Michael watches this movie and then he yells "STEAK!".

I'm tired. I have a very busy day tomorrow that consists of meetings and interviews. sigh... A little nervous, but everything should turn out great. Should.

Dreams, Hair, and Rommates

I'm watching Chelsea Lately-- I love that show. I use to hate it, but when you watch it with Kelsi it is super funny. Maybe she has corrupted me.

I've been having really vivid dreams about my dad lately. When he first passed away I had them all the time. But I haven't had any in a while... But it's been super weird. Two nights ago I dreamed that my dad and brother went camping and my brother let my dad wonder off and do his own thing and then no one could find him. We searched all through the woods to find him but never did. We came across his backpack and found all of his things, but no sign of my dad.

Then last night I dreamed that it was a year later and we still hadn't found my dad. We had a memorial service for him and everything because we just assumed he was attacked by a bear. But I was upstairs in my room and I heard my dad talking to my mom in the other room and it was weird because it really was his voice. And I ran to the other room and swung open the door and saw him standing there with a camo jacket on and I ran up to him and jumped on him and just hugged him yelling "why did you leave me?? why did you leave me??" and he said that he had to but he couldn't tell me why. and then I woke up. And it felt sooo real. But, of course, it wasn't. And I just starting sobbing. It was horrible.

Shannon-- since you often have bizzarre dreams, you should analyze it for me.

So I'm growing out my hair and it's getting pretty long... well, for me. it's a little past my collarbones. Hopefully I can grow it 6 more inches by Kelsi's wedding in January. We'll see. I'm not normally this patient when it comes to growing out my hair.

My roommate gets back tomorrow night. It will be good to see her. Huck will be excited.

ok I'm done.

Dogs, Movies and Mothers

I'm house/dog sitting again this weekend. It is dogfest 3000 at this house. Usually when I dog sit these dogs I'm able to leave Huck at home with Julia, but since she's currently on vacation, I've got all 3. It's pretty insane. And for some reason it's only really bad when it's time for me to sleep. I haven't slept much at all in the last few nights... but sleep seems to be optional in my life.

As inconvenient the whole dog thing is, I actually like staying at this house. My friends that live here are pretty big "movie people". They own many of my favorites. I watched Mona Lisa Smile tonight. I've never seen it before. I LOVED it. Kim knew I would. Oh and Kim, I looked for Notting Hill.... no luck. Shrug. Anyway, MLS is fantastic. I love the reminder that we were all created for greatness. And how all of humanity is connected in that way. There's more thoughts in my head, but I will leave it at that.

I want to thirst for more of Jesus and less of me. I want to be above reproach.

Oh and I also watched PS. I love you(Ive seen it once before... when it first came out last summer). crap. that movie. I bawled throughout the entire thing... entire thing. My head hurts now. Movies like that make me not want to fall in love because I'm scared of losing him. But what is that saying? It's better to have loved and to have lost, then to never have loved at all.....? is that right? sounds right.

I love my mom. I talked to her on the phone forever tonight. She loves me. And she loves to know that I'm taken care of. No matter how old your kids are, I don't think you ever grow out of that.

My best friend from childhood had a miscarriage two nights ago. She was pretty much told her chances of getting pregnant on her own are slim to none. Her and her husband have been trying for three years. She found out 7 weeks ago that she was pregnant. She had only been pregnant for a week when she found out. She just knew. This girl was made to be a mother. I called her when I found out from Taylor and I lost it on the phone. She was consoling me. So motherly. God has a plan for her. I know it. She will have a baby.

Baby fever, marraige, and Uganda.

I'm grumpy today. and very impatient.

I'm in a meeting right now. I absolutely love the people I work with. They make me happy.

My bad mood is actually gone now. We have a funny team.

I'm enrolling for classes today. I'm super excited. more than I know.

Man, I have baby fever like crazy. I am surrounded by adorable children. And I want kids. But the thought of having them right now(even if I were married and all that stuff) is so overwhelming. I wonder if I'll better be ready. Probably not.

My brother got married. Their pictures are cute. Their wedding was private and on some bridge somewhere. I tried to post a photo, but I'm super dumb with computers.

I'm trying to find a job... but aren't we all. I just got offered a job at chic-fil-a. the manager just came up to me and asked where I worked... haha... is that weird?

So, I'm going to Uganda next summer. I'm super excited. I will be working with a medical team. I'll fill you in more when I have more details.

I have to go. Julia is waiting on me.

Throw up, Home, and Magnified Pores.

So I'm sick. It's Sunday morning and I've been throwing up for a few hours. I'm really bummed. This is the first Sunday I've been in town and missed church. I feel bad for the band... they have to reorganize everything this morning now. boo.

We had a 4th of July party last night. It was basically just the staff and a few others from Epic. It was super fun. We played catch phrase and played girls against boys, which I usually hate doing because... it never fails... I'm always paired up with some ditsy girl who, when it's her turn, is always like, "ha! I don't know... umm... uh... I don't know... uhh...." and it drives me crazy because I'm incredibly competitive. I wish I wasn't so competitive. Anyway, we played girls verses boys and the girls totally dominated. ha... the guys were very much bothered by this... but it was a super fun time. I love my friends.

Someone that has lived here in Tucson as long as me made a comment the other day. it was something like, "ugh Tucson... I can't wait to get out of this hell hole." and I just shrugged. Which made him curious and led to a conversation about our lives here and I just said that Tucson may not, geographically, be my favorite place to live, but I like my life here. It's home to me now. It took a while, but it's home. I don't think I will be here for more than 5 years from now, but who knows. I do know that it will be sad when I leave. And has always bothered me that this friend of mine has never made Tucson home... especially since he supposedly moved here to love on this city and teach Tucson about Jesus... but I don't know. I think since the day he's been here he has always looked for the back door. shrug. I guess I would be miserable too if I felt like I was stuck in a place I hated.

I spent over an hour last night looking at my pores in one of those magnified mirrors like Grandma and my Mom had growing up. that is so addicting. I got this underground zit on my cheek, which is a weird place for me to get a zit, and I got that sucker out. oh man, it hurt so bad. And then I rubbed rubbing alcohol all over my face. I'm sure that's not good for my skin. But with that stupid mirror I just was totally grossed out by all the crap in my skin. I should get a facial. wait.... no I shouldn't. I did that once and that was the biggest mistake I've ever made.

sorry... that was a gross tangent.

I'm going to get back in bed. I feel bad.

Twilight, Centerpieces, and third wheels.

oh how you've been missed.

Tonight was fun. I went with Julia and Cale on their date(I'm pretty sure... even though they said it wasn't) to Olive Garden and to see UP. I've seen it before. It's a cute movie. It makes me cry. ugh... speaking of movies that make me cry..... My Sister's Keeper??? If you haven't seen it, you should. That movie will rip your heart out.


I'm house sitting for some friends for the weekend. They have two dogs so I thought it would be a good idea to bring Huck(my dog) over to play. Ya well, that was a hooooorrible idea. He never calms down. He just wrestles with them the entire time. And then they get annoyed with him a bark/bite him and then he wines. So I put him in a crate and his scratches at it and cries. With that said, I didn't fall asleep till 7:30 AM this morning. I could have killed him. Julia told me I woke her up at one point. She heard me yell, "I'm going to kill you!" to Huck. She laughed and then fell back asleep. Must be nice.


The other night I put together a mock centerpiece for Kelsi's wedding. It turned out great.

I love them. I'm going to make a couple changes, but that's it for the most part.

I've been listening to the twilight soundtrack like crazy. It's my guilty pleasure. Even if you don't like the books/movie, you should listen to the soundtrack becuase it's super good. I love Iron and Wine. They're my current "falling asleep" music. Accept for last night... I turned on classical piano music really loud to drown out my whining dog. ugh...

for the first time ever I created a blog and didn't post it. huh...

today hasn't quite turned out like I planned... which is fine I guess.

Kim is coming over. We need to cheer each other up. Here goes nothing!

My dad died a year ago today. That's been hard.

My old roommate and great friend, Jaime is coming down from Kansas City to hang out with me tomorrow and saturday. I am more than thrilled. She is so awesome. She's one of those people you want to be like. haha... it's been, I think, 2 years since I've seen her. this is going to be great.

I want to go to the Oprah show. Actually, I'd rather go to the Ellen show. My best friend, Kelsi, has been to the Ellen show and she danced with her. sigh... I have such cool friends with cool stories.

I'm going to Greysen's and Landon's baseball games tonight. I'm so excited. theyre so freaking cute.

Emma makes me laugh so hard. Check out this picture.

New Nails and New Moon

I stayed up late last night reading New Moon-- the second book of the Twilight saga. I never thought the books would be this good. I really like it. I'm learning to not rag on something until you look closer into it. I'm currently eating my words.

I went to the casino last night with my mom and I didn't win anything. In fact, I lost $17. My mom's $17. I refuse to waste my money there. I never win. But I had a good time with my mom. She lost $20 so I don't feel as bad. We just made fun of ourselves the whole time. It was funny.

I took Emma to get a manicure and pedicure today for her first time. It was super fun. She wasn't for sure what to expect, but she handled herself well and had a great time. Then we turned on the music really loud in the car and danced to Black Eye Peas' Boom Boom Pow. And then Em and I realized we like pretty much all of the same music. She is so cool. Either that I'm not. For self-esteem reasons I'm going to say she's just really cool.

I built mud pies with Payton when I got home. Mud pies are always fun. Hey Shannon, I remember making mud pies with you and the twins when we were really young and you guys lived in your old white house. and then we would play in your huge closet. ha...

I'm staying in tonight to finish New Moon. I'm really excited. I'm such a nerd.

Payton is playing a game on my phone and just turned to me and said, "look how good my score was!!!!"

"Good job Paytie! That's awesome!!"

Her score was -240. She's awesome.

Late Night Tears and Gardening

My mom is driving me nuts. Don't get me wrong, I love her to death-- this isn't a love issue. It's more of a annoyance issue. When you live far away from your family, you forget how intense they are and you just remember the good things. ah well... I need to be thankful for her.

It's been fun though to go to Landon and Greysen's baseball games. They're so stinkin' cute.

omg. Ok. Last night Emma spent the night with her friend. Well, apparently, her friend fell asleep before she did and so Emma was left awake and alone and bored... and I think a little scared. So she called Nikki to come and get her. Nikki is one of those moms that is sympathetic with her child, but also kindly tells her to suck it up. I think they call that tough love. Anyway, well she had me talk to Emma(while Emma is bawling her sweet little face off) thinking I could calm her down and talk some sense into her. That was pretty much the saddest thing I have ever done. I started crying with her and saying, "You just tell me if you want me to come get you. I will come get you right now!" and the whole time Nik is just staring at me like "this is turning out like I thought it would.... you need to tell her everything is fine and she needs to just fall asleep and she'll be fine....."

I'm horrible at that stuff. I told Nikki to never do that to me again.

Nikki's husband, Brandon, works nights so since I've been home I usually hang out with Nikki late at night. Last night we gardened at 3 in the morning. It was funny. And really nice outside.

I decided I like humidity when its cool and windy outside. I should move to a northern coast.

I think I'm going to the casino tonight with my mom. Should be eventful. Going places in public with my mom always produces stories. I'll let ya know if I win big.

Home Sweet Home

I'm home. Expect consistant blog updates for the next 2 1/2 weeks since the internet is fully accessable. (this is where Kim has her victory dance)

I like to drive from Tucson to Tulsa. People think I'm crazy. I don't really care. It takes about 22 hours because there's always a 2 hour nap in there somehwere. That nap usually takes place righ when I cross the Texas/Oklahoma border. I feel silly stopping there because I'm only 4 hours from home... but if I don't I will die. My mom watched this thing on dateline or something about how driving while sleep deprived is just as bad as driving while drunk. Don't think I didn't hear that at least 4 times.

When I was rolling into town I talked on the phone with Emma for like the last 15 minutes as she waited for me in the front yard. It was adorable. Her face made me tear up when I turned on her street. She was waiting for me at the stop sign and ran beside my car while laughing into the phone.

Then I walked into the house and the boys were in their room playing so they didnt hear me walk in... so I was in the kitchen with Nik talking and the boys walked in to ask her something and they just stopped and stared at me for a split second then screamed and ran to hug me. It was super cute. Man, I've missed those kids.

Then Payton came over with my brother and she saw me, screamed and ran to me... but then saw Nikki on her run over to me and hugged her yelling "Aunt Nikki Aunt Nikki!!!!" and then stopped caring that I was in the room and she hasnt seen me in 5 months. haha..... oh little Payton.

Anyway, I'm home and it feels great. I can't wait to see my best friend.

Merging, Weddings and New Hair. Selah.

So I went to a meeting today with the leadership team I work with and the leadership team I will soon be joining. Our senior pastor at the church(CityEdge) I work for is leaving and heading back to work for a church in Coweta, OK. so, our church plant is merging with another church plant in town. Make sense? Are we still considered a church plant when we've existed for a year? anyway... CityEdge is merging with Epic so I officially work for Epic church... well, starting tomorrow.

I'm really excited about the change. I think its going to be very good for our church. I'm so pumped to work with Jake, the pastor of Epic. I think there's a lot of exciting possibilities for the future.

Speaking of the future, I'm coming to Oklahoma soon for a nice long visit. May 24 I will be leaving here and heading that way. And I will be there for about 2 and 1/2 weeks. It will be good. Ive really been missing my family lately.

I will see these silly faces in about two weeks..... I can't wait.

I'm typing on a computer that is missing its backspace key. It sucks.

I colored my hair... I'll post a photo.

I look silly here... but atleast you can kinda tell what it looks like.

here is a photo of me with one of my best friends, Kelsi. She is getting engaged soon. We're all excited. I need to start gettin' my run on. I gotta look good for a January wedding.

There's Been a Mistake-- I Burn With Passion

Today was a good day--- long--- but good. I was in a 6 hour meeting today with other church planters talking about the future of our churches and where God is directing us. The meeting was emotionally exhausting, but it was so awesome. The entire thing was just so Christ-centered. It is so encouraging to be in a room of people that are so broken over this city. 

I went hoping some questions would be answered and I left with even more questions. ah well... I should have known that would happen. I just want so bad for my life to honor God. Someone asked a question today. They said, "do you ever just want to move back home and go to school and be a normal college student?" and I thought, "no." I mean, the moving home stuff sounds pretty sweet, but I was not created to be a normal college student. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but I was not created for that. I was just listening to some old school worship music and I was so broken by the song One Pure and Holy Passion. 

Give me one pure and holy passion

give me one magnificent obsession

give me one glorious ambition for my life- to know and follow hard after You

To know and follow hard after You

to grow as you disciple in the Truth

this world is empty, pale, and poor compared to knowing you, my Lord

Lead me on and I will run after You

This is so my heart right now. God will provide. I'm trusting and resting in Him. 

Concerts and Tattoos

I went to that Hawk Nelson, Jeremy Camp, MercyMe concert last night. It was really good. I felt bad because I'm not the biggest CCM fan... and I think a lot of Christian concerts are just corny and semi-ridiculous... but it was actually really good. And it got me thinking. I'm really glad God made musicians/artists. People complain about them all the time-- at least the circles that I'm in(which is weird because I'm surrounded by artists... so essentially they would be complaining about themselves....?)-- but I'm really thankful for them. They just have so much passion and it's cool to see them get so excited about the gospel. It just spreads like wildfire. I love it.

I got tattoos on my wrists the other day. It hurt waaaaaay more than I thought it would. I got "Grace" on my left wrist and "Truth" on my right. In Greek. I love them. My best friend helped me. When I got to the shop with my original tattoo idea, my tattoo artist basically told me not to get what I was wanting because it would look like crap in 10 years. I'm glad I listened to him. I'm really happy with these. As soon as they heal i will post photos. They're looking pretty funky right now. 

I'm sitting in a coffee shop right now and I'm sitting next to these ladies who are all in their 40s and they're working on a class project. older women are always such overachievers when they're in college. They're so intense. There are 5 of them at the table next to me. I came here to relax... pff... that didn't happen. 

I don't like being stressed. I'm a fairly chill, low intensity kind of gal. Not these days. There is so much going on around me and so many though process going through my brain. I don't like that. I'm in need of some good 'ol serenity. 

I'm so glad Christ is so peaceful. His yoke is easy. I love that. 

ok I have to go to Costco. I hate that store. Let's hope this is  a good experience.

i'm doing this for you

Ive noticed that when I don't blong on a consistant basis... like every other day or so... I can't figure out anything to write about. I'm poor and cant afford internet at my house so that's why I don't write consistantly. I wish I did. I like going back and reading old blogs.

I was watching tv at my Kelsi's house tonight(because I can't afford cable either) and there was a program on TLC about a man with elephant's disease. Hey kim, it was the guy from Portugal. It was crazy. The whole time I was thinking,"I know that guy. I've sat with him. I use to live there. I went to that coffee shop all the time. I love that restaurant......etc..." It made me sad. I miss that place so much.

I'm growing out my hair. I hate this process. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to keep long hair while in hair school? Everyone is so "cut happy" and they just want to cut it right off. I don't trust any of those girls though. Taylor has ruined me for life.

I was reading through Isaiah 6 tonight and I was just overwhelmed by the gospel. Ya know, when you are truly in awe of God's holiness the things of this world don't seem to really matter anymore. I want to live like that. Man... lately I have seen so many people get so consumed by selfish ways of thinking. If they truly grasped to greatness of holiness of God those things would be like dust in the wind. But ya know, who am I? By no means have I overcome myself. Paul knew what he was talking about with that whole "die to yourself daily" stuff. Man it's hard.

I'm praying through some pretty huge things right now. But what's new?

High School = Boo

I'm currently sitting in the room with a high school couple. I could shoot myself. They are constantly bickering and saying "I hate you" and wrestling. Here is a pic of what I'm currently living through.

I'd rather scratch my eyeballs out.

Brianne... the girl in the photo above... thought the show CSI was real. Like reality. Like actuality. Seriously? Who thinks that?

and Bonanza. She thought that was real too. We then talked about how the time period is real... and the show is possibly based off real accounts in history... but no, Brianne. Bonanza is not reality TV.

wow. Thank you public schools. I need a cig.

Leave the Drama for Your Mamma

Today was a fun day. I went to lunch with the girls A.K.A. Kelsi and Julia. They're so much fun. I cut Kelsi's(the one on the left) hair last night. She has been growing it out forever and it's finally to the length were she wants it. Well, I cut it about an inch too short and she was sad that her hair was "gone". I cried. Don't tell her. she doesn't know. My best friend is right. She said, "hey.. it's good to be humbled every once in a while."

That smile up there is a typical Ramey smile. We all do it.

LifeGroup was so good tonight. We've been talking about prayer and how God answers them and how sometimes He doesn't. We talked about the different prayers we pray... so on and so on. I love how it ended though because it was like we came to the realization that everything we were talking about was so self-focused and not focused on the sovereignty and beauty of the Lord. So then we started talking about out favorite attributes of God and it was so beautiful. We were all smiling through our tears. Even the men. I love when men cry over Beauty. It was a great time. And we just prayed, telling God how beautiful and amazing and glorious He is.... and I just kept thinking "He loves this. This makes Him so happy."

I had a fantastic conversation with my roommate, Julia(the one on the right up there) about relationships. I came to the realization last night that I have never had a godly relationship. I've dated my fair share of guys...many of them--really great guys, but never have I been in a relationship where he has been the leader and we really seeked the Lord together. I'm looking forward to that.
this is us again. We were told to act like an animal. I think Kelsi is a pig. I'm a monkey. and I'm not exactly sure what Julia is... maybe a bird....?

I blame this picture on the fact that I'm a lightweight and had one drink which resulted in slight intoxication.

Prayer

Deep breaths... deep breaths..... 

My life has been rather insane these days. I'm definitely taking it one day at a time. I told my best friend to "excuse my cynicism-- I wake up to a continual burden daily". 

I'm so dramatic.

I read this thing on my cousin, Alyson's, blog today. It really calmed my spirit. 

I am leading you, step by step, through your life. Hold My hand in trusting dependance, letting Me guide you through this day. Your future looks uncertain and feels flimsy-- even precarious. That is how it should be. Secret things belong to the Lord, and future things are secret things. When you try to figure out the future you are grasping at things that are Mine. This, like all forms of worry, are an act of rebellion-- doubting my promises to care for you.

Whenever you find yourself worrying about the future, repent and turn to Me. I will show you the next step forward, and the one after that, and the one after that. Relax and enjoy the journey in My Presence, trusting me to open up the way before you as you go.

I feel so needy in my prayer life these days. I know this is wrong-- but I often don't pray for myself because I feel it's selfish. But then God showed me that He wants to know the burdens of my heart and He wants to know the joys of my soul. So with that said, I've been very broken these days and I've just been pouring it out to God. And I feel so close to Him. It's really great. He reeeeally does calm the storm. He reeeeeally is all I need. 

I'm currently on the phone with BFF-Kim and we're both writing and not talking to one another. I love her. I love how vulnerable I can be with her and she doesn't even judge me. 

Cell phones= no school

so I started my third week of hair school this week. I had no idea how much I loved hair. This has been the best choice, educationally, I have ever made. I never would have thought I would say that. And I don't think it is the best choice for a lot of people. But definitely a great one for me.

Speaking of hair school, I got kicked out for the last three hours of class today. haha... rules are rules and the biggest rule on campus is we cant have our cell phones in class. and I peeked to check a text today and got caught. So out I was. What I don't get is somehow I get kicked out of class for my cell phone, but the girl sitting next to me is tweaking out on hardcore drugs everyday and she gets to sit in class..... oh well.... not bitter.


I need new music in my car. Im sick of the same stuff everyday. Kim, remind me to make new cds.

Yesterday was an amazing day at church. I love my church. It was good to hear the gospel. Hearts were broken. It was great. It kills me to see people hurting. Man... people are really hurting in our church... but God is healing them. I know it.

I want to hear God's voice. All the time. God speaks to me often, but I want a heart that can hear the quietest of whispers. I want my soul to be so in tune with God's. I want to pray more. And listen more. And obey more.

"My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me."-- John 10:27

No Babies....

I'm sitting on the phone talking to my best friend. I love her. Do you want to know what I love about her? She truly desires to have a heart like God's. Her heart breaks over her broken-ness. make sense? And she cares so much about the people that surround her and the spiritual location of their heart. She really wants to bring people closer to God's heart. She really is a beautiful person.

So I have this dog. You've heard about him. His name is Huckleberry. I'm really fed up with him right now. I came home the other night and found that he had gotten into my make-up bag and completely destroyed many essential make-up items.

I had a breakdown.

right there in the livingroom floor. Bawling. Thinking... I should sell him. Life would be easier. I could pay off some bills and I wouldn't have half-eaten make-up. I said this to my best friend and she said, "maybe you shouldn't have children."

She's right. Because the day the shit hits the fan is the day I have a breakdown in my living room floor and contemplate selling my children..... that shouldn't happen.

I think I'll just stick with Huck for now.

I started hair school this past week. I absolutely looooooooove it. I have no idea why I didn't do this sooner. I love it. love it.

Alright-- it's extremely late for me. 1:00 AM is late when you're use to 10:00.

G'night world.

No photos this go-around

So I've quit smoking. I know... some of you... well, most of you probably didn't even know I was smoking. 

But I was. 

But I'm not anymore. I've lost count of how many days I've been smoke free. Which is good. Because when you're counting day by day... hour by hour.... minute by minute... it's really difficult.

It's easy now. I don't even really think about smoking. But in the first few days... when I did think about smoking all the time I would have to fill my time with weird things that would distract me.

I was going to post some pictures of my weird recent activity... but it wont let me. 

Later, I suppose.

My best friends from high school, Taylor and Kacy, are coming to visit me this weekend. I am so excited. This trip will be filled with trips to the ostrich farm, good restaurants, and mountain top fun!

If I can get this thing to upload pictures by then I'll let ya have a looksie.

Miss you blog lovers.

 

man it's been crazy around here. On Saturday my good friend Ami(our pastor's wife) lost her grandparents, uncle, and dad in a horrible car accident. I'm sure you've heard something about it on the news. It happened near Houston, but the family was from the Tulsa area so it's been on the Tulsa news.
I can't imagine losing that many people at once. Losing a loved one is always hard, but when it is 4 people that you are very close to and that you adore.... and all of it so sudden.... sigh.... it makes me sick to my stomach.

So the funerals are mid next week. Im going to do my best to get up there for them. But there is so much to do here to get the Creeches's home ready for Karla(Ami's mom) who will be moving in with them. She too was in the accident and suffers from injuries. She will be in a wheelchair for a few months so we need to get the house wheelchair ready.

Sorry... this blog is more me just processing everything.

I adore my church. They have really wrapped their arms around Billy and Ami over the last couple of days and will continue to do so over the next year. Billy and Ami weren't at church on Sunday because they were on their way to Texas, so we had an amazingly intimate time of prayer and worship through song and it was just so beautiful.
We talked about Corinthians where it says when a part of the body suffers, the whole body suffers.... and that is what we are suppose to do with Ami and Bill. We are here to suffer, mourn, and ache with them.

Anyway, pray for Ami. In Psalms is says that God is close to the brokenhearted. That's all I keep thinking about when I think of her. And pray for Billy. Pray that he is her rock during this time. Also, they have two boys... one 10 and one 6. they are boys with many many questions. Pray that Billy and Ami have the patience with them to answer their questions and pray that through all this madness, God teaches them more about who He is.

Oh Sweet Reunion

Man, has it been a while? A lot has happened too. I've been in Oklahoma for two weeks and now I am back home in Tucson. It feels wonderful to be back.
The night I got back my friends and I sat around in my apartment, drank wine and told funny stories.
I absolutely adore those people.

The drive from Oklahoma to Arizona is horrible though.... but.... This guy made it easier.
This is my new puppy, Huck. He is absolutely precious.

My birthday is this saturday. My friends are scheming up something terribly fun. I'm excited.

I'm too tired to do this right now. I'll blog again tomorrow. I've got fun pictures from my trip in Oklahoma.