I'm taking 2 and 1/2 online classes. My sociology class is half in class, half online. Hence the 1/2.
I think these online classes are going to be the death of me. But that's ok. I can do it.... right? Some psychology class I'm taking literally might kill me. I'm going to have to be so disciplined for that one. But I can do it.
OK. That was my rant. I'm finished.
Cookies are done. People are finished.
That's what my English-teaching mother told me growing up. So now I say it to myself every time I have to choose between finished or done.
I also sing that Gwen Stefani song every time I spell bananas.
I had a dream about my best friend Kelsi, who is getting married in January. I'm her maid of honor. I dreamed that I couldn't find the right shoes to match my dress. All I needed was black, peep toe, kitten-heals. And I couldn't fit my horse feet into any of them. So Grandma gave me shoes to wear(here we go). They were bright purple with sequins and yellow knitted flowers on them. Grandma loved them(of course she did). And I didn't tell Kelsi about them and just hoped she didn't notice as I walked down the aisle. But she did. And she never spoke to me again.
Then I had a dream Shannon(who's one year anniversary is the same date as my friend, kelsi's wedding) was redoing her ceremony on her anniversary. Which means I had two weddings simultaneously. But shannon wanted me to take the photos for her wedding. Which would never happen in real life because her brother is a phenomenal photographer. But, nevertheless, she did. She game me this camera and yelled at me and told me I "HAD TO TAKE ALL PICTURES WITH THIS CAMERA!" so, I was super nervous. Well, come to find out, the camera Shannon gave me had no film in it. So, none of her pictures showed up. Obviously. And then she never talked to me again.
So I have two brides that I love dearly who had their ceremonies on the same day who never want to talk to me again. It's a horrible feeling to wake up to.
I wonder what all that means? Maybe I just feel like there's a lot of pressure(self-inflicted) to make Kelsi's wedding perfect. And maybe, just maybe, I feel like I might let her down. Even though I know I wouldn't... I would just be letting myself down.
This is all so silly.
I now have to go sit in algebra for 4 hours. I'm less than thrilled.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Killer Monkies, Carl Marx and Disease Infested Birds
I had a super crazy dream yesterday. My roommate, Julia, got eaten by wild monkeys. It was so graphic. I don't think I've ever had a scary dream that graphic before. I want to stop thinking about it.
School is crazy. This is my final week for some of my classes and then I have a few new ones starting up the following week. I have a massive paper due in soc over Marxism. Extremely interesting... yet complicated. Marx is easier to understand when you've had a couple glasses of wine, that's for sure.
I start my classes this week to become a long term volunteer at Crisis Pregnancy Center. I get to sit and talk with women who are debating whether to keep their child or not. And women who recently had miscarriages. I'm really pumped about this. I do wish the classes would start the following week with finals and such this week... but it's ok. I'll manage.
I'm going to the ostrich farm this week with my new friend, Krystal. She's from Louisiana. Her southern personality is refreshing. The ostrich farm is the best $5 ever spent. Those things are vicious... yet extremely entertaining. At the farm, there's this bird room(I hate birds) where you go in there with a little container of nectar and you just hold it and all these birds swarm to you. It's disgusting. I always take people there when they come to visit me. Last time Taylor and Kacy were here I took them and they loved it. Taylor kinda freaked in the bird room, rightfully so, but Kacy loved it. But she's a huge animal person. ick.
The man that owns the ostrich farm is this huge redneck and he's from Oklahoma(shocker) and he went in the bird room with me. When I walked in there, I was immediately covered in birds so, by instinct, I buried my head in my chest. He starts pulling on my chin trying to pull my head up but I won't budge. So he yells at me, "Girl! what are ya gunna do when you got a reeeaaall problem?!" And I said, "This is a real problem!"
Hello. Covered in birds= problem.
So it goes without saying: the ostrich farm produces fantastic entertainment 100% of the time.
I need sleep. Good night.
School is crazy. This is my final week for some of my classes and then I have a few new ones starting up the following week. I have a massive paper due in soc over Marxism. Extremely interesting... yet complicated. Marx is easier to understand when you've had a couple glasses of wine, that's for sure.
I start my classes this week to become a long term volunteer at Crisis Pregnancy Center. I get to sit and talk with women who are debating whether to keep their child or not. And women who recently had miscarriages. I'm really pumped about this. I do wish the classes would start the following week with finals and such this week... but it's ok. I'll manage.
I'm going to the ostrich farm this week with my new friend, Krystal. She's from Louisiana. Her southern personality is refreshing. The ostrich farm is the best $5 ever spent. Those things are vicious... yet extremely entertaining. At the farm, there's this bird room(I hate birds) where you go in there with a little container of nectar and you just hold it and all these birds swarm to you. It's disgusting. I always take people there when they come to visit me. Last time Taylor and Kacy were here I took them and they loved it. Taylor kinda freaked in the bird room, rightfully so, but Kacy loved it. But she's a huge animal person. ick.
The man that owns the ostrich farm is this huge redneck and he's from Oklahoma(shocker) and he went in the bird room with me. When I walked in there, I was immediately covered in birds so, by instinct, I buried my head in my chest. He starts pulling on my chin trying to pull my head up but I won't budge. So he yells at me, "Girl! what are ya gunna do when you got a reeeaaall problem?!" And I said, "This is a real problem!"
Hello. Covered in birds= problem.
So it goes without saying: the ostrich farm produces fantastic entertainment 100% of the time.
I need sleep. Good night.
Monday, October 5, 2009
Rip My Heart Out Why Don't You
My mind won't focus on school today. Which sucks because it really needs to. I have to write a paper on why I chose the life I have. And why I changed my major from Digital Media Productions(aka photography) to Pre-medicine. Thank you Veterans Administration. I have a bad attitude about this paper. I want to say, "I want to be a doctor because I saw the horrible health care you provided for my father and I don't think any person deserves to be treated like that." But that would be ugly. And I know me being a doctor isn't going to change that. And I won't be able to save everyone. There are going to be people I can't provide health care for because of all different reasons. So, realizing all of this, I will write a paper on all the other reasons why I want to be a doctor. I usually don't like telling people I'm studying pre-med because I have a long ways to go before I'm finished and I know that I'm not always the best at finishing things. But I can't focus on my negative qualities. That won't get me anywhere.
God is currently tearing up my soul while simultaneously rebuilding it. He's showing me my wickedness. But I realize I can't stay there long because if I do, I'm not living out the gospel. Because the gospel tells me He is made strong in my weakness. And the gospel tells me I am to live righteously for his pleasure not for the satisfaction of those around me or even to bring self-gratification. I really want to be more authentic. But I want my authentic self to be lovely. But to become lovelier I need to be more honest with myself about the dark parts of my soul. And I guess it's just difficult to do that at times.
I feel like the past few years I've spent focusing on community and loving people and loving God. Which are all beautiful things. But I've forgotten about discipleship and growing in knowledge and understanding of the Word. I'm very thirsty for that right now. And so is our church.
I also want to stop talking about the things that break my heart and start serving those people. So, I've signed up to volunteer at the children's hospital to sit and play with sick children. There are other things I'm going to do because Jesus tells me to serve the least of these.
God is currently tearing up my soul while simultaneously rebuilding it. He's showing me my wickedness. But I realize I can't stay there long because if I do, I'm not living out the gospel. Because the gospel tells me He is made strong in my weakness. And the gospel tells me I am to live righteously for his pleasure not for the satisfaction of those around me or even to bring self-gratification. I really want to be more authentic. But I want my authentic self to be lovely. But to become lovelier I need to be more honest with myself about the dark parts of my soul. And I guess it's just difficult to do that at times.
I feel like the past few years I've spent focusing on community and loving people and loving God. Which are all beautiful things. But I've forgotten about discipleship and growing in knowledge and understanding of the Word. I'm very thirsty for that right now. And so is our church.
I also want to stop talking about the things that break my heart and start serving those people. So, I've signed up to volunteer at the children's hospital to sit and play with sick children. There are other things I'm going to do because Jesus tells me to serve the least of these.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)