Prayer

Deep breaths... deep breaths..... 

My life has been rather insane these days. I'm definitely taking it one day at a time. I told my best friend to "excuse my cynicism-- I wake up to a continual burden daily". 

I'm so dramatic.

I read this thing on my cousin, Alyson's, blog today. It really calmed my spirit. 

I am leading you, step by step, through your life. Hold My hand in trusting dependance, letting Me guide you through this day. Your future looks uncertain and feels flimsy-- even precarious. That is how it should be. Secret things belong to the Lord, and future things are secret things. When you try to figure out the future you are grasping at things that are Mine. This, like all forms of worry, are an act of rebellion-- doubting my promises to care for you.

Whenever you find yourself worrying about the future, repent and turn to Me. I will show you the next step forward, and the one after that, and the one after that. Relax and enjoy the journey in My Presence, trusting me to open up the way before you as you go.

I feel so needy in my prayer life these days. I know this is wrong-- but I often don't pray for myself because I feel it's selfish. But then God showed me that He wants to know the burdens of my heart and He wants to know the joys of my soul. So with that said, I've been very broken these days and I've just been pouring it out to God. And I feel so close to Him. It's really great. He reeeeally does calm the storm. He reeeeeally is all I need. 

I'm currently on the phone with BFF-Kim and we're both writing and not talking to one another. I love her. I love how vulnerable I can be with her and she doesn't even judge me. 

Cell phones= no school

so I started my third week of hair school this week. I had no idea how much I loved hair. This has been the best choice, educationally, I have ever made. I never would have thought I would say that. And I don't think it is the best choice for a lot of people. But definitely a great one for me.

Speaking of hair school, I got kicked out for the last three hours of class today. haha... rules are rules and the biggest rule on campus is we cant have our cell phones in class. and I peeked to check a text today and got caught. So out I was. What I don't get is somehow I get kicked out of class for my cell phone, but the girl sitting next to me is tweaking out on hardcore drugs everyday and she gets to sit in class..... oh well.... not bitter.


I need new music in my car. Im sick of the same stuff everyday. Kim, remind me to make new cds.

Yesterday was an amazing day at church. I love my church. It was good to hear the gospel. Hearts were broken. It was great. It kills me to see people hurting. Man... people are really hurting in our church... but God is healing them. I know it.

I want to hear God's voice. All the time. God speaks to me often, but I want a heart that can hear the quietest of whispers. I want my soul to be so in tune with God's. I want to pray more. And listen more. And obey more.

"My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me."-- John 10:27

No Babies....

I'm sitting on the phone talking to my best friend. I love her. Do you want to know what I love about her? She truly desires to have a heart like God's. Her heart breaks over her broken-ness. make sense? And she cares so much about the people that surround her and the spiritual location of their heart. She really wants to bring people closer to God's heart. She really is a beautiful person.

So I have this dog. You've heard about him. His name is Huckleberry. I'm really fed up with him right now. I came home the other night and found that he had gotten into my make-up bag and completely destroyed many essential make-up items.

I had a breakdown.

right there in the livingroom floor. Bawling. Thinking... I should sell him. Life would be easier. I could pay off some bills and I wouldn't have half-eaten make-up. I said this to my best friend and she said, "maybe you shouldn't have children."

She's right. Because the day the shit hits the fan is the day I have a breakdown in my living room floor and contemplate selling my children..... that shouldn't happen.

I think I'll just stick with Huck for now.

I started hair school this past week. I absolutely looooooooove it. I have no idea why I didn't do this sooner. I love it. love it.

Alright-- it's extremely late for me. 1:00 AM is late when you're use to 10:00.

G'night world.