Prayer

Deep breaths... deep breaths..... 

My life has been rather insane these days. I'm definitely taking it one day at a time. I told my best friend to "excuse my cynicism-- I wake up to a continual burden daily". 

I'm so dramatic.

I read this thing on my cousin, Alyson's, blog today. It really calmed my spirit. 

I am leading you, step by step, through your life. Hold My hand in trusting dependance, letting Me guide you through this day. Your future looks uncertain and feels flimsy-- even precarious. That is how it should be. Secret things belong to the Lord, and future things are secret things. When you try to figure out the future you are grasping at things that are Mine. This, like all forms of worry, are an act of rebellion-- doubting my promises to care for you.

Whenever you find yourself worrying about the future, repent and turn to Me. I will show you the next step forward, and the one after that, and the one after that. Relax and enjoy the journey in My Presence, trusting me to open up the way before you as you go.

I feel so needy in my prayer life these days. I know this is wrong-- but I often don't pray for myself because I feel it's selfish. But then God showed me that He wants to know the burdens of my heart and He wants to know the joys of my soul. So with that said, I've been very broken these days and I've just been pouring it out to God. And I feel so close to Him. It's really great. He reeeeally does calm the storm. He reeeeeally is all I need. 

I'm currently on the phone with BFF-Kim and we're both writing and not talking to one another. I love her. I love how vulnerable I can be with her and she doesn't even judge me. 

Cell phones= no school

so I started my third week of hair school this week. I had no idea how much I loved hair. This has been the best choice, educationally, I have ever made. I never would have thought I would say that. And I don't think it is the best choice for a lot of people. But definitely a great one for me.

Speaking of hair school, I got kicked out for the last three hours of class today. haha... rules are rules and the biggest rule on campus is we cant have our cell phones in class. and I peeked to check a text today and got caught. So out I was. What I don't get is somehow I get kicked out of class for my cell phone, but the girl sitting next to me is tweaking out on hardcore drugs everyday and she gets to sit in class..... oh well.... not bitter.


I need new music in my car. Im sick of the same stuff everyday. Kim, remind me to make new cds.

Yesterday was an amazing day at church. I love my church. It was good to hear the gospel. Hearts were broken. It was great. It kills me to see people hurting. Man... people are really hurting in our church... but God is healing them. I know it.

I want to hear God's voice. All the time. God speaks to me often, but I want a heart that can hear the quietest of whispers. I want my soul to be so in tune with God's. I want to pray more. And listen more. And obey more.

"My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me."-- John 10:27

No Babies....

I'm sitting on the phone talking to my best friend. I love her. Do you want to know what I love about her? She truly desires to have a heart like God's. Her heart breaks over her broken-ness. make sense? And she cares so much about the people that surround her and the spiritual location of their heart. She really wants to bring people closer to God's heart. She really is a beautiful person.

So I have this dog. You've heard about him. His name is Huckleberry. I'm really fed up with him right now. I came home the other night and found that he had gotten into my make-up bag and completely destroyed many essential make-up items.

I had a breakdown.

right there in the livingroom floor. Bawling. Thinking... I should sell him. Life would be easier. I could pay off some bills and I wouldn't have half-eaten make-up. I said this to my best friend and she said, "maybe you shouldn't have children."

She's right. Because the day the shit hits the fan is the day I have a breakdown in my living room floor and contemplate selling my children..... that shouldn't happen.

I think I'll just stick with Huck for now.

I started hair school this past week. I absolutely looooooooove it. I have no idea why I didn't do this sooner. I love it. love it.

Alright-- it's extremely late for me. 1:00 AM is late when you're use to 10:00.

G'night world.

No photos this go-around

So I've quit smoking. I know... some of you... well, most of you probably didn't even know I was smoking. 

But I was. 

But I'm not anymore. I've lost count of how many days I've been smoke free. Which is good. Because when you're counting day by day... hour by hour.... minute by minute... it's really difficult.

It's easy now. I don't even really think about smoking. But in the first few days... when I did think about smoking all the time I would have to fill my time with weird things that would distract me.

I was going to post some pictures of my weird recent activity... but it wont let me. 

Later, I suppose.

My best friends from high school, Taylor and Kacy, are coming to visit me this weekend. I am so excited. This trip will be filled with trips to the ostrich farm, good restaurants, and mountain top fun!

If I can get this thing to upload pictures by then I'll let ya have a looksie.

Miss you blog lovers.

 

man it's been crazy around here. On Saturday my good friend Ami(our pastor's wife) lost her grandparents, uncle, and dad in a horrible car accident. I'm sure you've heard something about it on the news. It happened near Houston, but the family was from the Tulsa area so it's been on the Tulsa news.
I can't imagine losing that many people at once. Losing a loved one is always hard, but when it is 4 people that you are very close to and that you adore.... and all of it so sudden.... sigh.... it makes me sick to my stomach.

So the funerals are mid next week. Im going to do my best to get up there for them. But there is so much to do here to get the Creeches's home ready for Karla(Ami's mom) who will be moving in with them. She too was in the accident and suffers from injuries. She will be in a wheelchair for a few months so we need to get the house wheelchair ready.

Sorry... this blog is more me just processing everything.

I adore my church. They have really wrapped their arms around Billy and Ami over the last couple of days and will continue to do so over the next year. Billy and Ami weren't at church on Sunday because they were on their way to Texas, so we had an amazingly intimate time of prayer and worship through song and it was just so beautiful.
We talked about Corinthians where it says when a part of the body suffers, the whole body suffers.... and that is what we are suppose to do with Ami and Bill. We are here to suffer, mourn, and ache with them.

Anyway, pray for Ami. In Psalms is says that God is close to the brokenhearted. That's all I keep thinking about when I think of her. And pray for Billy. Pray that he is her rock during this time. Also, they have two boys... one 10 and one 6. they are boys with many many questions. Pray that Billy and Ami have the patience with them to answer their questions and pray that through all this madness, God teaches them more about who He is.

Oh Sweet Reunion

Man, has it been a while? A lot has happened too. I've been in Oklahoma for two weeks and now I am back home in Tucson. It feels wonderful to be back.
The night I got back my friends and I sat around in my apartment, drank wine and told funny stories.
I absolutely adore those people.

The drive from Oklahoma to Arizona is horrible though.... but.... This guy made it easier.
This is my new puppy, Huck. He is absolutely precious.

My birthday is this saturday. My friends are scheming up something terribly fun. I'm excited.

I'm too tired to do this right now. I'll blog again tomorrow. I've got fun pictures from my trip in Oklahoma.

Foggy California Nights

Current location: Hotel Room in Anaheim, California. Across the street from Disney Land.

INSANITY.

No, I'm not here to visit the land of Disney.
Although that would be fun.
I'm here surprising my great friend, Kelsi and watch her play violin at her senior recital. She will be graduating with a BA in Violin Performance from BIOLA this semester.
Your final recital is a big deal. I remember mine. It's an emotional thing. It's nice to have family and friends there.

It kinda sucks though because this is my first time ever in California and it's cloudy and pouring down rain the entire time. It's alright though... I've still had a really great time. Nothing like sitting in a hotel room all day in your PJs, eating pizza and watching Maury.

The weather was ridiculous on the way up here. Since we left Tucson the rain has been coming down heavy and the fog was so thick while driving through the mountains. My friend Logan was driving and it was really hard for him to drive through that stuff because he's from Tucson where it never rains and fog is a mystical thing that has yet to be seen in southern arizona.

This whole "no meat" thing has been kinda hard. Last time I did this I freaked out on a turkey sandwich.
A turkey sandwich.
Of all things.....

Anyway, the recital is tonight and we will be all dolled up so I'm sure there will be photos.

Stay tuned.

But in the meantime, here is an awesome picture of Landon and Emma. This is a favorite family pastime of ours. When you fight with a sibling, you sit on the couch and hold hands. My parents/grandparents did this with us. I find it highly effective and will do this with my children. Unless I just have one child. And in that case, they will hold hands with me.